Life

You Can’t Run Away from Yourself

 

 

Hate is a Powerful Emotion and a Dangerous one. It can cause Ill-Effects on your Health Physically and Emotionally, on others also. It can Destroy People’s Lives, yours also. It can have effects on how you deal with Family Members and the People you work with.

Nineteen seventy one, I was seventeen years old working full-time and going to School. I worked for a High Class Restaurant located on fifth Avenue where Dinner was one Hundred Dollars a Plate. I was a Pantry Chef, the Money was Great for a High School Kid. The Exposure to different People and Lifestyles were Awesome. My Boss however was a Hater who had no Respect for Black People even if you were seventeen years old, great at what you do and never received one Complain, only Compliments and Tips from the Customers.

My Grandma was a Baker, known for Miles for her Cakes. I was only Four but I was her little helper, always watching and tasting. My Mother was a Professional Cook, working in Kitchens before any other Women. Her word of Advice, whatever you do, be the Best, always go the extra Mile. She said that Racists will never Accept you but they will Respect you for the Job you Do. Mother wasn’t usually wrong about anything, except this one. This was my first real Job, a test for Moms Declaration, It failed miserably. This Man didn’t care that I was making him one Thousand Dollars per Night. I was Black and that was that. He tried to humiliate me in front of the all white Wait Staff. So began my Odysseus of  walking out of good Jobs once the ugly Head of Racism popped up.

On my way to work riding the number four Train where I did my Homework. I couldn’t concentrate to do my Homework. All I could think about was going to work and throwing my Boss from the sixtieth Floor. From my Violent Youth I know that it was time to go. When I was fourteen I kicked a Teacher’s Ass for grabbing my Testicles. I know that he would eventually loose that Eye. I exited the Train at forty second Street, walked up fifth Av went upstairs, punched in and immediately punched back out. This was the first of many good paying Jobs I walked out on not giving one minute notice. I have no problems with Closet Haters, after all this is America, Freedom of Choice. All I ask is, keep your Ignorance to yourself. Don’t put me in a Corner and poke me with a Stick. My Wife says that I use Biblical Quotes self servingly.

My Right Hand have offended me on just about every Jobs that I have worked in this Hateful Land. Nineteen seventy seven I did the same thing working at an all White County Club in Texas, this was a no Brainer. My Boss called me across the Dining Room floor, ” Mr Dixon, please come here,” one of the Members stood up and ask, what is this World coming to? Did you hear that White Man called that Nigger Mr. Again my Mind told me to react Violently, once again I walked out on a good paying Job. I was not taken aback by his Vociferous Diatribe, after all this was Texas 1977. The only things they Detested more than Interracial Marriages were Hippies and Drugs. To be caught with less than an ounce of Marijuana could get you twenty years.

Five years earlier a young Black Man who had a White Girlfriend was beaten within Strands of his Life and dumped across State Line, in a Ditch to Die of his Wounds. They wave the Confederate Flag Proudly. Nineteen seventy nine I was Grandfathered into the Investment Banking Company of Solomon Brothers Inc. Working as a Contract Employee I was given the choice of working for Solomon or to be desolved along with the Contract. Filling out Employment Forms were only a Formality, I was already guaranteed the Job. The Personnel Manager was Dumbfounded by the Number of Jobs that I had for my Age. Little did he know that Solomon was also  Destined for my List of former Employment. I worked in the Internal Security Department.

Our Job was to protect the Company’s Assets of six Billion Dollars, some Instruments were Bearer Bonds, one piece of paper that was worth Millions. Another part of my department’s Job was to protect the Company’s Data. One Day while walking through the Mergers and Acquisitions Department, I noticed papers left on a Xerox Machine. I started reading The Copies left behind, my Curiosity exploded. I started digging through the Garbage Can. What I found could have made me an instant Millionaire. I had in my possession Inside Information on a Hostile Takeover. My findings and my Report made it to John Gutfreund’s Desk. Months went by and The Issue was Water under the Bridge. Nonetheless The King of Wall Street knew who I was and had developed The highest Respect for me.

One Day while waiting for the Elevator, a Crowd gathered, Gutfreund emerged from the Crowd of all Managing Directors. They were showering him with Praise. I guess that Huge Money was made. The Elevator arrived,  wanting to be the first off the Elevator, I allowed them all to get on ahead of me. I entered the Elevator and turned my Back to the Crowd. Someone in the Crowd tapped me on my Shoulder, I looked around, it was Gutfreund, he said good Morning young Man. He didn’t say a word to the Crowd of Brownnosers, I was the only one on that Elevator that he spoke to. I felt like a Weasel for not speaking first. The Respect He showered me with had a Humbling Effects.

When the Vault was Audited I was assigned to Babysit The Accountants, when his Twelve Million Dollars Apartment on Fifth Avenue was Renovated, I was given the Assignment to Babysit The Contractors. There were Retired Police Officers in the Department, yet I was chosen to protect John’s Array of Priceless Ming Collection. Mr G as I called him had restored all my Self respect that was taken from me by Haters. The Director of my Department was a Retired NYC Chief of Police, his Assistant was also a Retired Chief of Police, both Haters. Within a short while they were both replaced. The replacement, a Retired FBI Biggie and a Retired NYC Police Sergeant, both Haters. I asked myself, is this Hate Business Institutionalized? The Department was basically purged. One of my new Coworkers once asked me how did I get in. In other words, I was Black, he continued, who do you know.

In other Words a Black Man couldn’t secure a Position in a Prestigious Company like Solomon without a Hook. At that time in our Glorious History Black People were far and few on Wall Street. To work on Wall Street you had to be the very best at what you do, if you are Black. I thought that I had secured my Last Job, despite the Atmosphere, I was going to Retire from Solomon in twenty five years. The Fringes were Phenomenal. My first year Bonus was eight Thousand Dollars the Healthcare package better than Government Employees. My Profit sharing Investment in High Risk grew quickly. Why would I leave, I decided that the Slings and Arrows of Hate couldn’t chase me away. How Naive I was. After Ten years of Exceptional Service.

One Day I visited Solomon’s new location on the sixty ninth Floor of the World Trade Center. I was so Taken by the Ambience, I quickly submitted my request for a Transfer. Being a Model Employee who only missed two Days of work in ten years, I was certain that it was a done Deal. Was I in for a Surprise when my Hateful Superiors Denied my Transfer, strictly on the Color of my Skin. I was once again Face to Face with the Ugly Heads of Medusa. Once again I cut my Right Hand off. I Cashed in my Portfolio, flipped them the 🐦 and moved to Pennsylvania. One Day while working in a Resort, I watched the Worst Day in American History.

I didn’t see the Planes hit the Buildings, all I saw was the Building that Solomon occupied collapsing Floors after Floors till there was only Dust. All my Friends were gone, so were my Enemies, Solomon lost nine Hundred Employees, I would have been Nine o one. I remember the Day that my Transfer was Blocked. My Mother saw my Depression and asked me what was wrong. I told her that they Blocked my Transfer. She responded everything happens for a Reason, God has Plans for you. My Advice to you who are on your way, don’t do as I did, when the Heat gets Hot don’t run stand your Ground and fight. Nobody is giving you anything for free. Most of all earn your Respect, never lose your Self Respect because of what Haters do or say.

These are the Lyrics to my favorite Song by my favorite Group Through the Roots.

Where are we going

Look where we’ve been

Ignoring the signs

Blinding our eyes

Where will it end

We can live in the light

Or hide in the darknes

We continue to fight

Though we didn’t start this

And it’s killing me

See this world that we share

Painted by artists

Placing strokes without care

Think it’ll be easy to find some peace in a world but we’re are all just fighting each other

But a perfect pitch has a perfect plan and it’s not just a crushing of color

Can you hear my voice as I’m crying out

This is the movement, so move with me now, now

I believe that if we come together

We can get higher, higher, higher

I believe that if we stand together

We will rise higher, higher, higher

I believe that life is a canvas its all part of something bigger

Constantly changing with the times an ever evolving figure

What will it take to walk hand in hand change with the times and understand

Make harmony what’s unity

Erase the meaning of a foreign land

Now it’s a world with no borders

Demanding a new world order

Imagine that we never had to read another story of a life cut short by a murder

It should be easy to find some peace in a world since we all share this place with each other

Its up to us to spread the love around

We’ve got to support one another

Can you hear my voice as I’m crying out

This is the movement, so move with me now, now

I believe that if we come together

We can get higher, higher, higher

I believe that if we stand together

We will rise higher, higher, higher

I believe that if we come together

We can get higher, higher, higher

I believe that if we stand together

We can rise higher, higher, higher

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: Dwight Duncan / Troy Barrington Mclean / R. Mcleod / Carl Mcleod / Dwight Marvin Duncan / Carlton Oliver Mcleod / Raymond Mcleod / Raymond Vincent Mcleod