Ambition, America, Life, Motivation, Parenting And Relationships

My Emotional Psych

My Emotional Psych

What is emotional psychology?

According to the American Psychological Association (APA), emotion is defined as “a complex reaction pattern, involving experiential, behavioral and physiological elements.” Emotions are how individuals deal with matters or situations they find personally significant.

Thirty years ago while doing Interior Demolition work in a Cell in a Federal Prison, where most of the Prisoners were Lifers. I took down a Wall, inside the Wall this Picture laid in a pile of dirt. I cleaned it up and saved it for Thirty years, now it has found its Rightful place on the Cover of my first Book. The Picture signifies to me the Freeing of One’s Soul, being set free from this Despotic Place we call Earth. Can you imagine someone doing a Life Sentence, never to ever again walk the Streets as a free Man. So much longing to be free, coming up with such a Concept that this Picture Portrays. Then I think to myself, I’m not Free. One year ago I was on my way Home after working in the Courthouse, crossing a Bridge that People do One Hundred M.P.H. nightly. My Car does 170, yet I have never taken it past 80, in a 70MPH zone. The Bridge is Posted 45, I never go past 50. Upon exiting the Bridge, at the foot of the Bridge a Police Cruiser lays wait, shining a 600 watt Lamp in my Face while I am doing 50, five MPH over the Speed limit. He pulled me over and wrote me a Ticket, stating that I was doing 60 MPH. Here I am a Contact Employee working for the County being Racially Profiled and given a Padded Ticket. I thought to myself, if this can happen to me, what about some poor Black Kid wearing a Hoodie? A Bullet to the Head at the end of a dark Bridge span could easily be covered up. This Book is my Legacy to all the Innocent young Blacks sitting in a Prison Cell longing for Freedom, or setting their Souls free. Like the Man said Give me Liberty or give me Death. I Personally find Racism a Significant enough of an Issue to write a Book about it. I work in the Government, I Drive Two bad Rides and live in a Predominantly White Middle Class Neighborhood, yet I am not above Bigotry, Racial Profiling and Racism, so what chances do a Poor Dumb Black Kid from the Hood have. The following are my Original Thoughts ” If you have lived long enough to get Old and you have nothing to pass on to the next Generation, in the form of learning and Teachings, you have not truly lived only existed “. This Book is Fifty Three years in the make. Here are Excerpts-from the Book

Yet you tell me that Black Lives Matter, to whom? It don’t make no Matter( Slave Ebonics, meaning it doesn’t make any Difference). As a Contact Employee working in a Justice center, I see so many young Blacks caged up in Prison Cells. I say to myself, their Lives don’t Matter to them, why should it matter to me? When I was a Juvenile Delinquent, I came to the Crossroads and took the right turn. That’s how come I am working in the System and not residing in a Cell. ” To Thine own self be true and Trustworthy” In Mark 8:34 Jesus said, “If anyone would…..My Book is Due in about Two Weeks. I had just finished writing this Boost for my Book in the Fourth Floor Hallway. The Elevator came, I heard footsteps heading my way, so I held the Door open. A young White Brother got on and told me thanks, I asked him what Floor, I punched the floor. Getting off on the Second floor, he gave me the Fist Bump and said Goodnight. I felt a little Guilty for things that I said in the Book about the crooked Justice System, he was an Attorney who worked for the Attorney General. The Bottom line is that with Civility we can live in Harmony, or at least get along. I am not a Hate Monger, I am not Tunnel Visioned, I know that there are Good and Bad in all. I didn’t write this Book for anyone over Thirty, because I’m a firm believer that you can’t teach old Dogs anything, because they are set in their ways. This Book is for young people like the young Attorney on the Elevator. We don’t have to Love Each other, all we need is to be Civil, Respect is Earned, not given or taken. You Guys need to go read my Book when it becomes available. It’s a Small Book filled with Big Thoughts of Mending Fences. It’s Available through XLIBRIs Publications Amazon and Barnes and Noble, when it gets here. Tolstoy is not my favorite Author, Once I have made my Point, I am done Talking.

Ambition, Motivation

The About Me Page

About the Author

The Book basically tells all about me, after High School I decided not to go on to Higher Education. However, that was not the end my of Education. I must credit this one Teacher for me to be a Lifelong Student. She told me that I should never stop learning, even if I choose not to go to college. Little did she know that she was prodding me to finish the job of Educating my own self. At Seventeen I bought my first Car and the Book on how to Repair it. From there on whatever I wanted to learn, I would buy the book. Over the years I became One of the greatest do D.I.Y. person in the world. I thought myself to fix Appliances, Computers, Roofs, Plumbing, Furnaces and even wiring a Building without burning it down. All through this learning process, my greatest focus was learning about life, how to live it well and make the most of the little time given. My last Doit yourself project was teaching myself to write. With Two Semesters of English Literature I had the Basic Foundation to Teach myself the Fundamentals of Writing. Seven years ago I started a Blog on my own Website, this was the Engine to develop my skills. I gave my first post to a Coworker, they told me that I had Flow, that was all the Encouragement I needed to to push forward. After writing my first Blog I promised myself that each new Blog would be better than the last. Five Hundred Blogs later have brought us to this Book. As far as Work Ethics, every Jobs that I ever had, I tackled them with the same Gusto as my Blogging. Finally, It’s not about Perfection, it’s about bringing the same level of Effort each and every Day. My Mother’s advice, whatever Job that you do, be the very best. While working in Construction, the Project Manager once told a Crew of Twenty Men, ” If Tony only worked Five minutes in an Eight Hour Shift, it’s Quality Time. That’s more than I get from all of you “. I was Humbled. And so with the Efforts I produced with this Book, I am Humbled.

Ambition, America, Life

Excerpts from my Book

Facebook is where I posted my first Blog, 60 Words long. So I decided to share the good News  with them first about finding a Publisher. Excerpts from my upcoming Book Nonetheless Mother has always told us to ask Questions, two Questions I asked and the answers chased my Sugarplum Fairies away. What do I have to do, answer, deliver two pounds of Drugs per delivery. Still intrigued by the second Question, how long before I could quit, answer, never, after a period of time we would find something else for you to do in the Organization. One more Question what happened to the guy that was doing this Job? Answer, he is in the East River, he started spending his Money, drawing the Cops attention to the Organization. There he went using that word again, here I go again living my Life in a single minute. I thought to myself, I would be dead if I refused the offer after he had exposed himself to me, telling me about the Murder of my Predecessor. I continued thinking that taking the offer was a death wish anyway, either by the hands of the Cops or the Customer who didn’t want to pay for the Goods. One of my Cousins took a previous offer I turned down at seventeen. One Day delivering two Kilos the Customer took the Goods and paid him with several Bullets. He became Wealthy, but at what cost? I knew that this was not the Life for me, once again I had to refuse another Lucrative offer. Yeah do I walk through the Valley of the Shadows of Death. Like Pac said ” I Live a Dove Life”. Dancing with the Devil seemed to be a preoccupation of mine. 23 Road trip to Hell This time I believe that my Life was on the Line for knowing what I did about Drug Distribution in New York and who the Players were. I went Home and told Mother that I was going to Texas to live with my Cousin Connie and learn her Craft. Connie was a gifted Seamstress who had crafted Fabrics for many Affluent People including Jackie O and Mrs Guggenheim. Her Skills puts her next to the Best Designers. Maybe deep down I was running away from what I knew about Drug Distribution in N.Y. Anyway I found myself on a Greyhound Bus heading to Fort Worth. The ride was Scenic and relaxing, I felt like I was losing the Past and embarking on a wonderful Future. Wanting to learn to be a Designer wasn’t so far fetched. In High School the Group I hung with and myself Launched a Graduation Party no High School ever seen before. Earlier I mentioned that my Friend and I dressed G.Q. so did the other Members of the Group. Part of the Festivities included a Fashion Show, some of the Clothes I wore on Stage I designed and fabricated. The Show was a Royal success, one of the reasons was, we invited Smokey Robinson and he performed on our Auditorium Stage, ooh, ooh, ooh Baby Baby, we were Bad. So wanting to take my Talents to the next Level was a timely Idea in 1977. The Bus made so many stops in so many States I thought I should have taken a Plane. But then again if I did I wouldn’t have gotten to see the Good the Bad and the Ugly American. The Bus stopped in Tennessee, so I got off to stretch my Legs. The Trip was wearing on me so I decided to get some Beer for the rest of the trip. I walked across the Street from the Bus Depot to a Bar. Inside the Bar there were three or four Deliverance look-alike Patrons sitting at the Bar. I asked the Bartender if I could have a Six pack of my favorite Beer, he said no you can’t buy anything in here. Your Place is across the street, not here, as in a White Bar. I thought to myself this is America isn’t it, I became insistent, he began to reach under the Bar, I knew it was time to leave before I became another Statistic in America’s Hatred of the Blacks. What an Education, I came this way to learn Fashion, along the way I was seeing Ugly America at its worst. Again Arlo Guthrie’s song was playing in my Head ” This Land is your Land this Land is my Land, this Land was made for you and me”, a little voice interrupted, think again Arlo. Lets not forget that Memphis most Celebrated Resident, said that the only thing a Nigger can do for him, is shine his Shoes, am all shook up was one if his Songs. Lets not forget that this is where Martin Luther King was Assassinated. Like Naz echoed ” Things will never change, go ahead and Hate me now”. It’s a way of Life, it’s almost Patriotic for these people. When the Bus……..

Ambition, America, Life, Motivation, Parenting And Relationships

Self Reliance

Self Reliance

My last Blog I wrote about a Homeless Woman in her Twenties, I pondered how that was possible. Today I got the Answer watching a young and proud Father Lugging his Five years old Son into a Supermarket pushing a Cart. My Mother told me that I could not wait to walk at Seven Months old. Tumbling down frequently, but never stopped trying until I got it. Believe it or not selfreliance starts that early. Once you’ve got it no one can take it away from you. Selfreliance rivals Self-preservation, they are actually Cousins. At eight years old, my Brother and Two Friends almost killed me. They tried to teach me how to Swim many times, but I just wasn’t grasping it. One Day they invited me to join them in a small Boat to go Fishing. Just about One Hundred yards from the Shore, They shoved me in the Ocean, Forty Feet deep. This was their Foolproof way of getting me to learn how to Swim. After Drinking a Belly full of that Saltwater, I decided that I wasn’t going under again. I started Doggy paddling, then stretched myself out and started Breast Stroking to the Shore.

That was my Ultimate Lesson in Self Reliance and Self-preservation. Still only Eight years old, on that same Beachfront. One Day while fishing from the Shore, I heard a Commotion coming from a Boat half sunken from the weight it was carrying. As the Boat got closer I could see my Friend Lefty paddling with his One remaining Hand. Lefty was the One who taught me how to Fish. While Teaching me how to Fish he told me how he lost his Right Hand. One Day He was fishing, a Fish the same size as the One in the sinking Boat he was paddling towards me begging for help to Moor the Boat. On that Fateful Day when he lost his Arm, he was fishing with a Surf Rod and Hundred pounds Test Line. A Blue Marlin took the Bait and Broke the Rod. Poor Lefty didn’t want to lose Months of good eating. He wrapped the Hundred pounds Test just below the Elbow. In my lifetime I have seen Nine Hundred pounds Marlins. No one knows how big was the Fish that Surgically removed his Forearm Five years earlier. Today was my Day to become a Man. I swam out to the Boat to help Lefty, he threw me the Mooring Rope. I swam back to the Shore and with every Muscle in me, I pulled that Boat carrying a Four Hundred pounds Marlin, till the Bottom was stuck in the Sand.

For my Reward, Lefty gave me a Sixty pounds Slab of Fish that was sold at Twenty Dollars a Pound. That’s a Six Hundred dollars payday for an Eight year old. Not all Boys are Fortunate to live Tom Sawyer’s Life. But robbing them of the right to learn Independence is absolutely wrong. Anyway getting back to that young Father. Teaching your kids to be Lazy also starts that early. To tell the truth, I have seen Nine and Ten years old sitting in the Shopping Cart while their Parents pushed them around the whole Store. On the Kid’s part, that is Lazy and Spoiled rotten. On the Parents part that is Stupid and careless, Knuckling under to some spoiled Child’s whim’s. Can you believe all of this, just to tell you about a Man who was my Neighbor. The Name is Fictitious, however the Man was real. Ever since I moved to Florida, I have noticed an inordinate amount of Grown Men, some as Old as Sixty riding Bicycles as their main means of Transportation.

That usually happens when your License is lifted Permanently, for either DUI or just plain Negligence John was about Fifty years old living with his Spry Seventy years old Mother. Who Owned the House, Bought the Food, paid the bills and bought his Cigarettes. He didn’t Drink, so that told the Story of his Driving Privilege restrictions. He had no Hobbies Craft or Vocation. However he had a Pet Dragon ( a big Lizard) and that is the end of this Blog. She never allowed him to grow up, now she has a Fifty years old Boy on her Hands. Parting Words ” you have to let them stretch their Legs”. Otherwise, they will never stand on their own Two Feet. I have got to tell you Guys, I love writing in this Paradoxical Style…What does it mean if someone is paradoxical?
adjective. If something is paradoxical, it involves two facts or qualities that seem to contradict each other. Some sedatives produce the paradoxical effect of making the person more anxious. (Highs and lows, happy and sad) Synonyms: contradictory, inconsistent, incongruous, ironic. My Mom’s favorite Phrase was ” In Harmony” My favorite Word is incongruous – not in Harmony. I have just completed my First Book, it’s about the forbidden Subject- Racism! In it I am Critical of the Church while Acknowledging God’s Grace. I Lambasted Haters while Praising my White Friends. I Sympathize with the Plight of the Black Man, being One, while kicking him in the Ass for Black on Black Hate and for not Knowing that Africa was once the Greatest of Empires. If that isn’t Paradoxical then the Word doesn’t exist. Now I begin the Journey of finding a Publisher or to Publish it myself on Amazon. I have Two Hundred and Fifty Followers on WordPress and Eight Hundred Fake Friends on Facebook and maybe Twenty Real Ones. That’s a good start for Sharing the Ebook version. Anyway Life is just a Play and we are all just Bit Players. How you play your Role determines who we are.

Ambition, Life, Motivation

Ambition Rules


As far as I’m concerned Ambition should be a greater force than the Survival Instinct. Survival without excelling is of little Human value. I have been in the Workforce since Fifteen working for a major Supermarket Chain as a Stock clerk. As a result of my Age I had to get a Work Permit that prohibited me working beyond Six P.M. I worked all through High School and have always brought Money Home to support my upkeep. I Dressed better than just about everyone in the School, Teachers including. I had Money to buy the Best Weed and Bought my first Car at Seventeen, also securing my own Insurance. All the Kids in School knew that I always had Good Weed including the Dean. On my Book Bag Read the Phrase ” See me roll me smoke me” the Dean threatened to expel me if I didn’t remove the Logo from my Book Bag. Anyway that’s enough of the Background History.

The point is that I have always held my Own. At Eighteen I had my own Apartment and working Full-time for U.S. Plywood. What motivated this Blog is. Last Night walking across the Parking lot to my Car, I almost got run over by a young Woman in her Twenties. She was Riding a Hobo Cycle, a Bicycle with a Trailer that contains thei’r Worldly Possessions. Today I am sitting in the Cafeteria on the First floor looking at the same Woman unfolding a Canvas Chair on the Sidewalk. It appears that she camped out on the Grounds of the Courthouse within the last Twenty Four Hours. An Act that can get you Arrested for Trespassing. I asked myself what in the world that could put a young Person in the Predicament that she was in. Then the Answer came to me, The lack of Ambition. If I was in a Precarious situation that would render me Homeless, I would work for Minimum Hourly Wage to afford the cost of renting a Room in a Fleabag Motel. Even if it consumed all my Salary. I would use my Hobo Cycle to collect Cans, Bottles and any Metal to take to the Recycling center. Any Money I made from my Extracurricular activities would pay for my Food, while saving to get a Studio Appointment.

My own Design

The rest would be saved to get a Car. Once I got my Car, I would work for Uber while Building my Credit. After a while I would buy a Hud Home and borrow from Hud the Money needed to Repair it. During the Remodeling I would create two sections, One for my Living and the other to rent out. After a while I would Refinance the House and buy another. I would continue the process till I could buy the Fleabag Motel and make it liveable for all the other Homeless people I met while living on the Streets. And that my friend is the Difference between having Ambition and the lack of it. I sympathize with someone with a Drug or Alcohol problem that allows themselves to slip through the cracks of life. But for someone who appears to have all their Faculties, yet having no Ambition, that is unconscionable. My Wife have always Rag on me that I think that I know everything and that I am the only one who knows how to do anything. I Hate to admit it but I try to be, why? I have Macgyer Mentality. Give me a Handful of Mud and a couple of Straws and I will build a Mansion. Over the Years I have Taught myself to fix Cars, Washing Machines, Dryers, Computers Roofs and anything associated with a House, Boilers and all Electrical including.

Then I took on the Project of Self Educating Myself, then moved on to Teaching myself to Write. Last week I completed my first Book, Two Hundred and Fifty Pages. The reason for the Shortness is because I Fantasize about writing a Blog with One Sentence and a Book on One Page. The Motivation is credited to Steven Spielberg, he said that once you have made your Point, everything else is Bullshit. Getting back to the Homeless Woman, if I were in her Predicament my Ambition would force me to sell everything I Owned, including my Pride. Xaviera Hollander became Rich selling her Pride. Mary Magdalene has been Depicted by Western Christian doctrine, Renaissance Art and Modern Media as a Prostitute, yet Jesus had a Place in his Heart for Her. That tells me that Anyone can be Forgiven. I know that my Writing jumps Fences, but that is my Style without sounding like a Wanderer. Anyway, Ambition Rules!