The System

Working in a Courthouse gives me a Bird’s-eye view into the lives of my Fellow Man. The complexities of the Human Psyche leaves me dumbfounded, trying to figure out why people are the way they are. For instance a nine years old who is awaiting Trial for the Attempted Murder of his Sister. Even closer to home one of my Coworkers whose Son fights his Sisters and his Teachers. In her case I have assessed the problem to be that she doesn’t spend enough time with her Children. Also she have never heard of Intervention. The Courts have also contributed to the decline in the Family Structure. The Family Court is always busy with Delinquents filing charges against their Parents.

Many times the Court sides with the Accuser. Can you imagine having a Child who belongs in a Juvenile Detention Facility, but out of Love you deal with the challenges. My Mother was the classic example with me. She stood by me and gave me time to see the Evil of my ways. In my case I was an exception to the rule of Rehabilitation, I had a figurative Mind. I also knew Boundaries and Consequences. With Today’s Parenting there are no Boundaries or Consequences. Last week I noticed a Woman with her Daughter and Granddaughter on the second floor. The Child was acting up, the Mother did nothing to scold the Child. Minutes later she was arguing with her Mother while the Child observed. At one point she told her Mother F**k you, the Child took it all in.

As far as Consequences are concerned my Mother could be ninety years old, she would have smacked me in the Head with her Cane. The Courts would consider that to be Child Abuse. If so you tell me what is a Parent to do with a Child who Verbally abuse you in Public. Worsening the insult by going home eating your food and living under your Roof for free.  Grandma X was the perfect example. Her Daughter who wasn’t ready to be a Parent, had a Son at seventeen. Unwilling to give up the Street Life, she Abandoned her Child on her Mother at one years old. Eight years later he Killed Na Na stabbing her twelve times. He also awaits Trial in the Justice System where I work. Working here gives me more than I need to Write about, but it plays Havoc on my Psych.

The Streets are more Dangerous than a Battlefield with People filled with Repressed Anger. Two years earlier in the same Courthouse a case was tried. Two Men arguing about a parking spot, one Man pushed the other to the Ground. Taking advantage of the Stand your Ground Law, the Man on the Ground shot and killed the young Father. It appears to me that both had repressed Anger. The killer had a Reputation of having many Confrontations, yet he carried a Gun, he was found Guilty. These are the Dangers that Society have to deal with. Children who weren’t raised properly, ticking Time Bombs with their repressed Angers. I don’t have to read Publications, I Live it. The Courts and many in the Clinical Psychology Profession are quick to Label these Crimes to be caused by Mental Illnesses.

What they fail to acknowledge is, grinding an ax for way too long, one Day you will use it. That isn’t Mental Illness, that is Deviant behavior allowed to run Amuck. When I myself was a Deviant, my Mother dished out Tough Love, knowing that the Path that I was Traveling would put me in the Justice System, not working in it. One Day she told me a Story, fifty years later I still don’t believe it. Regardless the Story hit Home. She said, there once was a young Man on his way to be Executed, he called his Mother to his Cell. He asked her to come close, he then bit her Ear off, telling her, that’s for not telling me that I couldn’t get away with Murder. At twelve years old I almost committed Murder. Playing Soccer I stepped on the injured Foot of a seventeen years old.

He punched me in the Solar Plexus, cutting off my wind. On his way Home riding his Motorcycle, I strung a Rope across the Roadway. His Bike crashed and Burned, he wore a Neck brace for nine Months. So why do I find it so hard to believe that a nine years old can Commit Murder, when I look at him I see Myself. The difference between us is having a Mother like Mine. At fourteen when she found out that I was a big Pothead. She didn’t go off the Deep End. Instead she Indoctrinated me about Gateway Drugs. She also Indoctrinated me about Crime and Punishment, Boundaries and Consequences. So here I am Today working in a Justice System and not being in a Justice System. Hoping that one young Inmate read my Blogs. Howell Emanuel Donaldson who is awaiting Trial for four random Murders in Seminole Heights Florida visited my Website. It’s too late for him but I hope he shared the Link with the other one Thousand Residents. I consider myself the Smart one, at Fourteen I had two bad Fights that could have ended with Murder. Since then I never had another Fight for the rest of my Life. I am a firm Believer that we are exactly who we chose to be in Life. You can’t blame your Parents and Society for your Shortcomings.


You Can’t Run Away from Yourself



Hate is a Powerful Emotion and a Dangerous one. It can cause Ill-Effects on your Health Physically and Emotionally, on others also. It can Destroy People’s Lives, yours also. It can have effects on how you deal with Family Members and the People you work with.

Nineteen seventy one, I was seventeen years old working full-time and going to School. I worked for a High Class Restaurant located on fifth Avenue where Dinner was one Hundred Dollars a Plate. I was a Pantry Chef, the Money was Great for a High School Kid. The Exposure to different People and Lifestyles were Awesome. My Boss however was a Hater who had no Respect for Black People even if you were seventeen years old, great at what you do and never received one Complain, only Compliments and Tips from the Customers.

My Grandma was a Baker, known for Miles for her Cakes. I was only Four but I was her little helper, always watching and tasting. My Mother was a Professional Cook, working in Kitchens before any other Women. Her word of Advice, whatever you do, be the Best, always go the extra Mile. She said that Racists will never Accept you but they will Respect you for the Job you Do. Mother wasn’t usually wrong about anything, except this one. This was my first real Job, a test for Moms Declaration, It failed miserably. This Man didn’t care that I was making him one Thousand Dollars per Night. I was Black and that was that. He tried to humiliate me in front of the all white Wait Staff. So began my Odysseus of  walking out of good Jobs once the ugly Head of Racism popped up.

On my way to work riding the number four Train where I did my Homework. I couldn’t concentrate to do my Homework. All I could think about was going to work and throwing my Boss from the sixtieth Floor. From my Violent Youth I know that it was time to go. When I was fourteen I kicked a Teacher’s Ass for grabbing my Testicles. I know that he would eventually loose that Eye. I exited the Train at forty second Street, walked up fifth Av went upstairs, punched in and immediately punched back out. This was the first of many good paying Jobs I walked out on not giving one minute notice. I have no problems with Closet Haters, after all this is America, Freedom of Choice. All I ask is, keep your Ignorance to yourself. Don’t put me in a Corner and poke me with a Stick. My Wife says that I use Biblical Quotes self servingly.

My Right Hand have offended me on just about every Jobs that I have worked in this Hateful Land. Nineteen seventy seven I did the same thing working at an all White County Club in Texas, this was a no Brainer. My Boss called me across the Dining Room floor, ” Mr Dixon, please come here,” one of the Members stood up and ask, what is this World coming to? Did you hear that White Man called that Nigger Mr. Again my Mind told me to react Violently, once again I walked out on a good paying Job. I was not taken aback by his Vociferous Diatribe, after all this was Texas 1977. The only things they Detested more than Interracial Marriages were Hippies and Drugs. To be caught with less than an ounce of Marijuana could get you twenty years.

Five years earlier a young Black Man who had a White Girlfriend was beaten within Strands of his Life and dumped across State Line, in a Ditch to Die of his Wounds. They wave the Confederate Flag Proudly. Nineteen seventy nine I was Grandfathered into the Investment Banking Company of Solomon Brothers Inc. Working as a Contract Employee I was given the choice of working for Solomon or to be desolved along with the Contract. Filling out Employment Forms were only a Formality, I was already guaranteed the Job. The Personnel Manager was Dumbfounded by the Number of Jobs that I had for my Age. Little did he know that Solomon was also  Destined for my List of former Employment. I worked in the Internal Security Department.

Our Job was to protect the Company’s Assets of six Billion Dollars, some Instruments were Bearer Bonds, one piece of paper that was worth Millions. Another part of my department’s Job was to protect the Company’s Data. One Day while walking through the Mergers and Acquisitions Department, I noticed papers left on a Xerox Machine. I started reading The Copies left behind, my Curiosity exploded. I started digging through the Garbage Can. What I found could have made me an instant Millionaire. I had in my possession Inside Information on a Hostile Takeover. My findings and my Report made it to John Gutfreund’s Desk. Months went by and The Issue was Water under the Bridge. Nonetheless The King of Wall Street knew who I was and had developed The highest Respect for me.

One Day while waiting for the Elevator, a Crowd gathered, Gutfreund emerged from the Crowd of all Managing Directors. They were showering him with Praise. I guess that Huge Money was made. The Elevator arrived,  wanting to be the first off the Elevator, I allowed them all to get on ahead of me. I entered the Elevator and turned my Back to the Crowd. Someone in the Crowd tapped me on my Shoulder, I looked around, it was Gutfreund, he said good Morning young Man. He didn’t say a word to the Crowd of Brownnosers, I was the only one on that Elevator that he spoke to. I felt like a Weasel for not speaking first. The Respect He showered me with had a Humbling Effects.

When the Vault was Audited I was assigned to Babysit The Accountants, when his Twelve Million Dollars Apartment on Fifth Avenue was Renovated, I was given the Assignment to Babysit The Contractors. There were Retired Police Officers in the Department, yet I was chosen to protect John’s Array of Priceless Ming Collection. Mr G as I called him had restored all my Self respect that was taken from me by Haters. The Director of my Department was a Retired NYC Chief of Police, his Assistant was also a Retired Chief of Police, both Haters. Within a short while they were both replaced. The replacement, a Retired FBI Biggie and a Retired NYC Police Sergeant, both Haters. I asked myself, is this Hate Business Institutionalized? The Department was basically purged. One of my new Coworkers once asked me how did I get in. In other words, I was Black, he continued, who do you know.

In other Words a Black Man couldn’t secure a Position in a Prestigious Company like Solomon without a Hook. At that time in our Glorious History Black People were far and few on Wall Street. To work on Wall Street you had to be the very best at what you do, if you are Black. I thought that I had secured my Last Job, despite the Atmosphere, I was going to Retire from Solomon in twenty five years. The Fringes were Phenomenal. My first year Bonus was eight Thousand Dollars the Healthcare package better than Government Employees. My Profit sharing Investment in High Risk grew quickly. Why would I leave, I decided that the Slings and Arrows of Hate couldn’t chase me away. How Naive I was. After Ten years of Exceptional Service.

One Day I visited Solomon’s new location on the sixty ninth Floor of the World Trade Center. I was so Taken by the Ambience, I quickly submitted my request for a Transfer. Being a Model Employee who only missed two Days of work in ten years, I was certain that it was a done Deal. Was I in for a Surprise when my Hateful Superiors Denied my Transfer, strictly on the Color of my Skin. I was once again Face to Face with the Ugly Heads of Medusa. Once again I cut my Right Hand off. I Cashed in my Portfolio, flipped them the 🐦 and moved to Pennsylvania. One Day while working in a Resort, I watched the Worst Day in American History.

I didn’t see the Planes hit the Buildings, all I saw was the Building that Solomon occupied collapsing Floors after Floors till there was only Dust. All my Friends were gone, so were my Enemies, Solomon lost nine Hundred Employees, I would have been Nine o one. I remember the Day that my Transfer was Blocked. My Mother saw my Depression and asked me what was wrong. I told her that they Blocked my Transfer. She responded everything happens for a Reason, God has Plans for you. My Advice to you who are on your way, don’t do as I did, when the Heat gets Hot don’t run stand your Ground and fight. Nobody is giving you anything for free. Most of all earn your Respect, never lose your Self Respect because of what Haters do or say.

These are the Lyrics to my favorite Song by my favorite Group Through the Roots.

Where are we going

Look where we’ve been

Ignoring the signs

Blinding our eyes

Where will it end

We can live in the light

Or hide in the darknes

We continue to fight

Though we didn’t start this

And it’s killing me

See this world that we share

Painted by artists

Placing strokes without care

Think it’ll be easy to find some peace in a world but we’re are all just fighting each other

But a perfect pitch has a perfect plan and it’s not just a crushing of color

Can you hear my voice as I’m crying out

This is the movement, so move with me now, now

I believe that if we come together

We can get higher, higher, higher

I believe that if we stand together

We will rise higher, higher, higher

I believe that life is a canvas its all part of something bigger

Constantly changing with the times an ever evolving figure

What will it take to walk hand in hand change with the times and understand

Make harmony what’s unity

Erase the meaning of a foreign land

Now it’s a world with no borders

Demanding a new world order

Imagine that we never had to read another story of a life cut short by a murder

It should be easy to find some peace in a world since we all share this place with each other

Its up to us to spread the love around

We’ve got to support one another

Can you hear my voice as I’m crying out

This is the movement, so move with me now, now

I believe that if we come together

We can get higher, higher, higher

I believe that if we stand together

We will rise higher, higher, higher

I believe that if we come together

We can get higher, higher, higher

I believe that if we stand together

We can rise higher, higher, higher

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: Dwight Duncan / Troy Barrington Mclean / R. Mcleod / Carl Mcleod / Dwight Marvin Duncan / Carlton Oliver Mcleod / Raymond Mcleod / Raymond Vincent Mcleod


Velenamous Neighbors



The World's Greatest Daredevil


Rosewood USA

Once upon a time in a Mythical Place called Florida, newly freed Slaves settled in a Mythical Place called Rosewood Florida. What’s up with all this Mythical Talk you ask? What transpired in Rosewood should only happen in a Mythological setting. The Town was settled in the year 1847 by both Blacks and whites under the Jim Crow Laws( Black only- White only) that law ruled till 1968. That goes to show how Racist America hold on to its Diehard Bigotry, old Habits die hard,  old Confederate Soldiers fade away. Anyway Rosewood’s main Economy Dissipated in the late 1800 and the White Population decimated by 1890. That left 200 People all Black except for one white family that ran the General Store.

See they will take your Money, but no Respect while you Patronize their Stores. In the Summer of 1923 Fannie Taylor who was having an Affair with a White Man and whose Dalliance probably got rough. She ended up with Bruises she couldn’t explain to her Husband. Counting Ten untill her Lover was in safe Distance, she began screaming. When her Neighbor responded they found Fannie covered with Bruises. She told them that she was Assaulted by a Black Man. However she did Stipulate that she wasn’t Raped. The countless number of Black Men who were Tortured and killed on the word of Thousands of Fannies is an American Legacy.To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee centres on Atticus Finch’s attempts to prove the innocence of Tom Robinson, a black man who has been wrongly accused of raping a white woman in 1930s Alabama.

The White Woman Syndrome continues to May 2020. A white Woman walking her Dog in Central Park was admonished by a Black Man about keeping Social Distance. She whipped out her Cellphone and called the NYC Police and reported that she was threatened by a Black Man. That was more than enough reason for him to receive a Bullet to the Head. It happened to Randy Evans 1972, he was only Fifteen, it also happened to Travon Martin seventeen years old 2013, not far from Rosewood Florida. One Hundred years after the Mob defending Fannie Taylor’s Honors destroyed every Building in Rosewood, including the Churches. The Mob was accompanied by the Ku Klux Clan, five Hundred strong, another American Legacy. Over twenty Black People lost their Lives.

Twenty five Children escaped the Carnage by running into the Woods. Talking about Home Grown Terrorism, another American Legacy since 1794 against Blacks. Again a Government by the People for the People, except the Black People. A Government who have sat on their Hands for four Hundred years while the Genocide continues to May 2020 in (Rosewood) Minneapolis. Where a Black Man was Murdered while in Handcuffs by someone whose Tax Dollars paid the Murderer’s Salary. The Children of Rosewood USA rose up one Hundred years after they escaped into the Woods to save their Lives. They took to the Streets pretty much the same way the French did 1750 and relieved Marie Antoinette of her Head. The Children of Rosewood have taken to the Streets the World ovre yelling “I can’t Breathe”.

The Beleaguered Leader of Rosewood USA rants, let them eat Bullets, send in the Military. Little did he know that after the Military killed the first Hundred, the Civil War is On. Americans with Bitch Attitudes have always thought that that they could mess with the World, with Impunity. Vietnam proved them wrong. A Conventional Army is defenceless against Guerrilla Warfare. Lieutenant Callie proved to them that the only way to win a Guerilla War is to kill them all. He was a US Army Lieutenant who walked into a Vietnamese Village and Killed everything that moved, Children and Grandparents including. If there are any survivors no matter how Impartial, from seeing all the Brutality, they now become the Combatants.

The Birth of Terrorism in the Middle East proves that Theory. America have casted a Blind Eye on White Extremists Home Grown Terrorism for four Hundred years. Now you want to kill the Terrorized with the Military. Shame is another American Legacy. As many of my Readers know I work in a County’s Justice System. As I sat on one of the upper Floors looking down on the Retention Pond. A Solitary Duck was Swimming with the Pond all to himself. A law enforcement Officer approached the Window. He pointed out what I was observing and said, I guess that if you can’t get along with your Velenamous Neighbors, then I guess it’s better to live by yourself. What an Anology for the sequence of Events that has transpired in the past two Weeks. Did I mention no Shame, no Remorse and no Repentance. He was Preaching drawing a Line through this Country, Whites only / Blacks Only. From 1968 to present Day I have seen Dramatic Changes in this Country. I may be Naive but I believe that for the most, People of all Colors and Races wants to get along and Live in Harmony. The same People who put Jesus on the Cross are the same People here today talking about Velenamous Neighbors. My Anology of his Anology, if you corner a House Cat and taunts it with a Stick it will Roar like a Lion and Claws like one. This Kitty has been poked for four Hundred years, by now it should be a Raving Psychopath. Now you call me Velenamous. How many Roads must a Wise man Travel and how many Rivers must he swim to escape The Wrought of your Hate. Velenamous you say?

America, Life, Motivation


That was just a Dream

Wrong is just Wrong

The System Fails us Daily, I should’nt have  the Notion to touch Base with it. People far more qualified have tackled it and failed. However I must observe that Man have been Flawed since the Day Cain rose up out of Jealousy and  Killed. No Matter how near or Far, if you Kill in the absence of self defense, you are Flawed. That’s a nice way of saying you are Abnormal, in a way Handicapped, being unable to Rationalize your Thoughts before you Act. With that said I must tell you about a young Woman I met years ago. She was Vacationing with her Parents at the Resort I worked. Being a People Person I struck up a Conversation with her Parents. When I told them that I Blogged, they asked me to write about Jenny.

I asked them to talk about their Daughter who sat in a Wheelchair in a Degenerative Paulsey condition. While they talked she listened intensely and made poor speech gestures, agreeing and disagreeing. Jenny turned out to be one of the most Fascinating People I have ever met. She proved to me that we are who exactly who or what we choose to be. She was one of the Poster Children that forced Government and Society to create Handicap Accessibility to Public Buildings. Once that was accomplished after a long Uphill Battle, she went on to School and obtained two Degrees In Social Science dealing with People of her Kind. The sad outcome, she never landed a Job in her Field. All everyone saw was her Debilitating Physical appearance, not the Gifted Mind and Resilience. So you see  Prejudice goes beyond Color or Race.

The World's Greatest Daredevil

Sad but nonetheless a true Story of Human Strength. Something that so few posses, the strength to hold Convictions and to be resolute with what you do with your Life. I was given the Conviction to change my Life and I did. It is so easy to Blame, even tho God gave you Convictions to change the things you are able to change, and to accept with Serenity that which you can’t.The Choice to Hate is equivalent to Smoking Cigarettes, it’s a bad choice, you know that it’s bad for your Health, yet you puff away. Well my Friend Hate carry the same weight for your Mental Health, Nonetheless you Puff away on the Cigarette called Hate. Remember the Word Abnormal, unable to constructively rationalize your Thoughts. It’s an absolute Shame that some  Institutions are named after Great Men.

My High School for instance, William Howard Taft. When I attended Taft it was eighty five percent White, ten percent Black and five percent Latino. The latter two came to the Neighborhood for a better Life, a safer Place than the Hood, most of all a better Education. The Neighborhood’s Racial Gentrification was  representative of the School. The Abnormal  Attitude that these People had was that we didn’t belong there.(“This Land is your Land this Land is my Land , this Land was made for you and me”) After School there were Black Bashing, White Bashing and Gay Bashing, welcome to the Bronx 1969. America was on Fire with Hate and the Fire still Burns today. Doctor King Squelched it somewhat but the Embers refuse to be extinguished. The Movie the Bronx Tale said it all.

I have been walking through the Valley of the Shadows of Death for fifty Years. I am not coining Phrases, 1971 I escaped the Shadows of Death by God’s Grace. Years after many Black Men had Sacrificed their Lives so I could walk down an all white Street and wasn’t set upon by Children of Haters who inherited their Parents Hate, or  overzealous Block Watchers or even the Cops, like it happened to me in 1971. This was  Just around the time when J Edgar Hoover ran the FBI like a Luftwaffe. He  waged War on the Black Panther Party killing everything that looked Militant. At that point in time it appeared that Racism was Institutionalized in America. Many Days walking through White Neighborhoods all I could hear in my Head was Arlo Godfry’s song ” this Land is your Land this Land is my Land this Land was made for you and me”.

That Sentiment almost got my Friends and I Killed walking through all White Bensonhurst Brooklyn 1971. It was a beautiful Summer’s Day we were on our way to a Backyard Cookout near Bensonhurst. We got off the Train and  decided to take a shortcut through an all White Block. We weren’t half way through the Block before we were swarmed by Cops with Tactical Gears, the only thing they didn’t have was Rocket Launchers. Five well Dressed Black Kids, the oldest was nineteen. If one of us got nervous and ran or reached for Identification, we  would all be Dead, they all had Shotguns. After we showed ID and explained where we were heading the Trigger Fingers were relaxed, one Cop explained that a Neighbor called and told them that a Black Gang was loitering in the Neighborhood. This is not about the angry Black Man Syndrome, I am way beyond small People with big Hate. I am on a Cloud looking Down on them knowing that I overcame all their Hate and have none of my own. One good thing about Living in America for over fifty years, I have seen one of Dr King’s Dream come true, watching a Rainbow Collation of People marching for George Floyd. Forget about the Looters and Rebel Rousers, they have been around since 1794 yelling Guillotine. Stand Tall America, your time has come to show the World who you are.