When it comes to trouble and problems I am a very selfish and private person. I have been Married for thirty seven years, I know that the Vows said for better or worse, but I have always kept my problems to myself until they were dragged out of me by my demeanor, sometimes I am a moper, not to drag others in but probably self-pity. Remember that a listening ear is a telling mouth. When I got Audited by IRS my wife only found out after I got home from the Audit. Whereas with the average person it’s the total opposite, as the saying goes misery loves company. Not being a chauvinist, even though I have earned the right to be one being married for thirty seven years. I gave respect and was rewarded with Love.
If I had dropped a five Dollar bill in a Jar for all the wrath of mood swings for thirty seven years I would be a rich Man. That is all that I am going to say about mood swings, I would like to stay married, and on that grounds I am not going to say anything about other marital issues. I will forever be quoting my English Literature Teacher ” what is the Author not saying” nowhere more prevalent than Relationships to find out that misery loves company, yet for the greater good, you need to be tolerant and absorb verbal assaults even if they kill you, especially if love is the common denominator. As the saying goes we only hurt the ones we love. I will never understand that phrase, because if you love me why would you even consider hurting me.
While living next door to Henry, one Night I heard the commotion of a violent argument between he and his wife of thirty years. Seems that the argument was centered around one of her Nephews moving in, Henry was adamant she was domineering, it was a Dogfight with tragic outcomes. Silence took over, to be broken by the loud siren of the Ambulance. From all the stress from the Dogfighting, Henry had suffered a Heart attack and died before the Ambulance got there. How Tragic I often wondered how she could live with herself knowing that she couldn’t have done a better job with a knife or a Gun. I kept a secret that if she knew what I knew, it would kill her paraphrasingly. I wasn’t married yet, he took me under his wings and into his confidence, from the counseling he gave me another Man never would have gotten married.
He said you never know when they are going to put you out of the House that you built with your own two Hands. And so in tern he told me that he had 50,000 Dollars stached that she knew nothing about, he called it his Runaway Money. That money was buried with him, I never told anyone about it. We all have done deeds that we weren’t proud of, that was my gift to Henry. From all the failed Relationships that I had seen prior to me getting married, thirty seven years later I still am amazed that I jumped the Broom( getting married) In the middle of writing this Blog, at work I held the Door for a Beautiful young woman and a Man the Man said thanks, I guess she ditto it she never said a word, instead she looked at me as if I were stupid.
I said to myself what an ugly krone, beauty is only skin deep, can you imagine living with that for thirty seven years, I probably would be hanging with Henry. It absolutely behooves me how people can wear their misery on their sleeves. Me I could have just gotten the News from my Doctor that I had one week left and I would still be cordial to all up to my final Hour. Taking ownership of the problem and looking for the solution have always been one of my strong points. Most people wallow in selfpity never owning the problem and searching for it’s solutions. John worked in the same Job for twenty years all the while hating the job his nitwit Boss and himself for sticking it, I guess the Money was worth the Agony.
Each and every Day he got off work he stopped at the same Bar, I call it his first Home because he never went Home and then come back out to the Bar. I know His wife to be a pleasant Woman, but from his Son-in-law she was a Nag. If so be the case my sympathy goes to John, because I have never heard any stories of him being verbally or physically abusive to his Wife or his Children, nonetheless that is mental abuse for the Wife. He is a Man of my own Heart, keep it to yourself no one put you in your predicament, so no one should feel the wrath. There are so many Maladies in Society from People not owning their problems, instead they blame the World, they Nurse their misplaced guilt while it eats at them, until they blow their Lids and Act Out tragically. For instance mass Shootings and Road Rage violence.
These are people whose Bugs are so far concealed in their Intestines that Psychiatric help would be of no value, some have been grinding Axes since childhood. You can blame a broken Home, an indifferent Parent who showed little to no Love, being abused or any of a hundred reasons, in each Life the Rain must fall. You are not unique, you are not the only one, If I maintained the why me attitude when I got molested by a Teacher at fourteen I should have hated every Gay Person and took part in all the Gay Bashing that transpired after School. If you don’t move on with your life, you are never Happy until everyone around you are miserable, I call that the Jr Ewing syndrome.
That reminds me of one of my Aunts who did everything in her power to shatter the family by telling lies and spreading gossip about every member of the family, having everyone hating the other for no reason. Karma has it that she is now in a Nursing Home not knowing the names of all the people she poked with a Stick. My Hero Mattie Stepanek puts it best, my recollection is poor but the sentiment is paralleled. The sharp point of the Arrow delivers a piercing Blow, the Blade of a sharp Sword delivers a mighty Blow but Words delivers the most Devastating Blows. My Hero Mattie died at age thirteen this was one of his final messages ” Live your best Life, be your best self, give what you wish to receive.” They say that Misery loves company, whenever you are feeling sad and miserable with your Life, go and read my Blog Titled My Hero. Its about a Boy who Died at thirteen years old an Author, a Poet and an Ambassador of Goodwill, who didn’t believe in sharing the misery of his Tragic Life with the World, only the Good in Life.